oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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