Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
