So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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