P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
