I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
