I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
