i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
