Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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