so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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