I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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