I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Everything about him screamed your future.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
