he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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