Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
