your parents love me but you hate me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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