Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
