i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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