smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize