I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize