hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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