I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
