put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
