u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
