you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
