glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize