There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
