Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
