i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
