I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
