she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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