I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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