i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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