Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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