apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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