and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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