Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
