I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
