You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
