I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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