Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
