Walk of Shame. In a state park.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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