winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
