Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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