Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
