i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
