I'll bet she douches with gravy.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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