I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
