somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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