we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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