everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
