You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize