How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
