Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize