How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
