He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
