Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
