u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do vagina's smell?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
