but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
