Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize