I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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