The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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