Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
