i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
