ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
