I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
