She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
