it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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