i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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