My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
