He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize