you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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